I hate flying
by Racke
Summary: Haruhi has had another strange idea and Kyon meets a genie. What will he wish for?
1. I hate flying

I hate flying

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

---

Truly, this world is an extremely beautiful place. See how the sky is being colored pink by the morning sun, watch how those fluffy clouds, that look so similar to cotton candy that one would want to fly up there in order to devour them, slowly drift by.

Hear the chirping of the birds, their newly awakened forms wishing only for the rest of the world to notice them, to see them and revel in their beauty. All of them trying their hardest to sing even more beautiful than the next, causing a wonderful music beyond comparison in this world.

Smell the smells of freshly bloomed flowers, their fragrance intoxicating all of those whom pass. The smell of dew on grass and leaves, lingering in the air as if it wishes to remind us of the beauty of the morning mists.

Feel the soft breeze that causes the trees to sway gently, creating a rustling sound as the trees are allowed to sing their own music, different from the birds inhabiting them, but equal in beauty.

Truly, nothing can rival this world in it's beauty, nothing can possibly compare to the feelings that touches all whom experiences it.

It's too bad that I'm unable to experience it, as it's hard to pay attention to the wonders of nature when you're speeding through the air, much too close to the ground if I do say so myself. I mean, sure it would be unpleasant to be at the height of, for example, 30,000 feet, but at least when you're up _that_ high, you won't _realize_ exactly what speed you're traveling at, since there is nothing you can compare it to.

You see, when you're traveling close to the ground you can't help but pay attention to exactly how _blurry_ everything is. And once you realize why it is blurry, you can't help but feel very unsettled about the whole ordeal. Not to mention that feeling of absolute terror whenever you pass by something that is a_ lot_ closer than it should be.

So why am I flying close to the ground at breakneck speed? Well it's a long story, but I might need to point out that I wouldn't actually call this _breakneck_, it's seems to be more a kind of, turn-into-a-puddle-of-goo kind of speed.

Of course it's got something to do with Haruhi, although that's probably about as obvious as if I'd said that the situation that I'm in at the moment is somehow related to _me_. Anyway, our fearless Brigade leader had for some reason, that I don't understand, decided that, since nothing interesting was being uncovered by our heroic endeavors, we should _create_ a mystery of our own.

Yeah, that doesn't make sense to me either. But, since it was Haruhi that suggested it, the rest of the Brigade raised no kind of protest, me not included since I _always_ protest, but as usual, I was being completely ignored.

I'm not sure what I found to be more annoying, the fact that everyone ignored me as a rule, or the fact that we were being told to _create_ a mystery. How the hell do you to do that? I mean, Koizumi's murder mysteries are one thing, but now she wanted us to make something interesting happen, like a meteor strike or an alien invasion of some sort. Who could seriously pull off something like that? Nagato, as well as Haruhi's subconscious, not included.

Now, judging by my current situation, I guess you think that we somehow managed to, if not create one then at least to find a mystery similar to the ones specified earlier, however, that isn't entirely correct, albeit admittedly close. It's a long story but I guess I might as well tell you about it.

You see the day after her announcement was quite the… how to put it… trigger. Yeah that sounds about right.

---

To me it's never a pleasant experience to wake up in the morning. This might be related to the fact that the one who wakes me up is my hyperactive little sister, the worst part is probably that she does this with as much violence as possible, jumping on top of me and then dragging me out of bed, leaving me beaten and bruised on the cold floor of my room.

This morning proved to be very much the same in these aspects. Admittedly though, I don't think she would've been able to wake me up in any other way, considering how tired I still was even after I'd managed to move away from the cold floor.

I wasn't technically _late_, but I wasn't really early coming to school either. I guess you could say that I showed up at a normal time.

"Have you started yet?"

I turned towards the girl behind me. A little confused about what she might be talking about.

Started with what?

"The mystery! Have you started making a mystery yet?"

Who would've gotten started already!? Normal people don't really have mysteries just laying about, ready to be used at a moments notice!

"Excuses! You had an entire day to think of a mystery! What were you doing wasting all that time!?"

I was doing my _homework_, you know, so that the teachers don't _fail_ me.

She didn't seem to accept this, but she was interrupted before she could continue by the teacher entering the room.

Saved by the bell, huh. Too bad that I can't enjoy this rare stroke of luck, since because of it, I'm forced to pay attention to an extremely boring lecture.

When lunch finally arrived Haruhi disappeared like usual, leaving me to eat peacefully, away from the eccentric girl who could shape the fabric of reality according to her will. It was something that I greatly appreciated, there's a limit to how much a person can take of her weirdness before they risk going insane themselves.

As I eat I can't help but think about what Haruhi told us in the clubroom yesterday. Why did she have this sudden change of heart? What could be so interesting in creating your very own mystery? I mean, no matter how much I complain about it, I kind of understand why she would search for the mysteries of the world, hell to some extent I even admire her for it. But this is just… strange? In a different way than usual, and that was making me nervous. Very nervous.

Oh well, it's not like I'll understand this sudden change even if I spent years to think about it, might as well ignore it and hope that it'll resolve itself. Of course, until then, I was going to be forced to create some sort of mystery, that or I'd probably be in trouble. Then again, I'm going to get into trouble no matter what I choose to do, so I guess I should just do whatever I feel like doing. You know, that's a great plan, I better stick to it.

Haruhi returned to the classroom just as the bell rang and the lessons commenced once more, leaving me to fight against the many demons of sleep that seemed to be plaguing me today.

I lost.

Waking up as the bell rang once more, I began to grab my things and got ready to head towards the clubroom, Haruhi was long gone, probably shooting of like a bullet the moment the bell rang.

I can't help but be a bit worried about how used I've gotten to heading towards the clubroom once classes ends. I kind of get the feeling that even if I were to die, my ghost might be forced to walk like this until the end of time. It's a very disturbing thought.

Of course, I can't really blame my legs for bringing me to the beautiful Asahina and her wonderful tea. Besides it's not like we _always_ do weird things, sometimes our days are surprisingly peaceful, however, Haruhi does make sure that they don't stay that way for long.

This day proved to be one of those wonderfully peaceful days, although we – with this I mean me – were forced to listen to Haruhi reprimanding us for not creating any new mysteries yet. You'd think she'd be a little more patient, but then again, if she was, I think I would've called the school nurse or something. No healthy Haruhi would ever be _patient_. Ever.

I did however talk to Koizumi about Haruhi's new idea. His answer was something along the lines of: 'It's fine as long as she's having fun'. I really don't like him, at all.

So, as Nagato closed her book, signaling to all that the meeting had ended, the Brigade split up, and I was finally allowed to return to my home, where I would probably be forced to do my homework. I'm really not allowed to rest am I? I guess I've gotten used to it, but it's still a little depressing.

Hoping to relieve some of said depression, when I came across what looked like an empty can of some sort, I decided to kick it. It was a nice kick. Of course it wasn't anything comparable to a kick powered by Haruhi's ridiculous athletic ability, but it wasn't too bad if I do say so myself. It also had a very positive effect on my mood.

In fact it was such a wonderful feeling that I decided to kick it again. This continued until I finally arrived at my house. Now I was faced with a difficult choice: Do I just leave this wonderfully kickable can here, free to be used by any and all who passes, probably to never be seen or heard from again? Or do I pick it up, so that I might use it again at a later time?

I would never consider myself to be a selfish person, but that doesn't mean that I'll give up something I enjoy just because someone else _might_ enjoy it as well. Needless to say, the can soon made it's way onto my desk. Receiving a sort of place of honor, for providing me with such wonderful release from my earlier frustrations.

However, it was kind of dirty to have in my room, so I decided to clean it.

As I was doing my best to clean it from the many different types of dust that you might find on the streets, there was a loud 'boom' sound. Immediately translating into the can being sent flying into the opposite wall as smoke gushed out of it. It was quite the spectacle, I think I might've been able to sell tickets.

Suddenly a figure emerged from the smoke. "I am the great genie, sealed inside this empty can of peas because I farted whilst eating at the king's table."

That's somewhat disturbing, not only the fact that someone sealed you inside of a can of peas over something like that, but also the fact that you blurted that out as an introduction, I mean, whatever impression I have of you has totally just went down the drain.

"Since you have freed me from my prison, I shall grant you three wishes!"

So I get three wishes?

"Yes, three wishes," contrary to the words coming out of this strange genie's mouth, he's now holding up a total of seven fingers, on one hand. Don't ask me how, my head is starting to hurt. I'm pretty sure there were only five fingers on it the last time I looked.

I wonder how good this guy is at math, I kind of get the feeling that I can fool him into granting something like sixteen of my wishes, although I think that I'd feel guilty about it afterwards. Though I guess I should make sure. How do you count to three?

The genie looks a little confused but starts counting anyway.

"One, two, seventy-four, thirty-five, eleven, eight and six quarters, three,"

I blink.

What? Is he serious? Is there really anyone out there that could possibly be this bad at math? I mean come on! Though I don't think I should complain about it, after all, it looks like I can get away with at least seven wishes before my conscious will start to kick in.

"So, what will be your first wish master Kyon?"

Wait. How come _you're_ calling me by that damn nickname too!? When did I even introduce myself!?

"Since you're my master, it's only natural that I would know your name."

Great. Just great. I might as well really change my name to Kyon at this rate. But I guess I should think of what wishes this genie could grant. Are there anything that I can't wish for?

"Hmm…" the genie looks thoughtful, "You can not wish for complete world domination."

Who seriously would? Oh yeah, Haruhi probably would've. The thought of that girl conquering the world sends shivers down my spine. I wonder if I can somehow keep someone else _away_ from taking over the world?

"It is possible," he suddenly makes a weird face, "I'm not going anywhere _near_ that girl, she's freaking crazy!"

Would you look at that Haruhi, you really _do_ inspire fear into all who knows you. Oh well, there goes any wish that would've involved our own personal god. Though I guess I can't blame him for it, she really is scary, especially when she's on the trace of some kind of mystery.

I wonder if I should just wish him to disappear, making sure that Haruhi wouldn't somehow find out that I was keeping a genie. Because no matter how I looked at it, that would be bad. Really bad. But still… giving up on six wishes – still planning to use the seventh wish as a 'goodbye' ticket – was kind of difficult. Who would seriously give up the chance of getting _six_ wishes from a genie, that's like _twice_ the number one is supposed to get.

Oh well, since he's terrified of Haruhi, I probably don't have to worry about her finding out about him, after all, if something scares you, you do try your very best in order to avoid it. Even if Haruhi had frightening perceptive abilities, there was no way that she could match a genie, right?

Is there any chance that you might be found out by Haruhi?

"Well…" the genie looks thoughtful, "the possibility exists… I've never really met anyone like her before, so I can't say for sure…"

If I were to make one of my wishes to be that you are not found out by Haruhi, would that work?

The genie looks at me and then nods his head. "Yeah, it should work. As long as she doesn't actively try to break the wish down, her powers shouldn't be a problem."

Actively tries to break the wish down?

"Let's say that your wish was to make her wear a stupid outfit in public. Since she wouldn't want to do something such as that, she would struggle against it. And the wish would be rendered null."

I think I got it. In other words, as long as I don't tell her that I've found a genie, she won't try to find you and my wish would still be in effect from her finding out by accident.

"Correct."

Then that'll be my first wish.

"So be it," the genie does something with flashy light effects, "There you go. Let's see… how many wishes do you have left…?" he scratches his head in deep concentration.

That looks painful, you know what. How about I keep track of the amount of wishes I've got left?

"You'd do that?" he looks remarkably relieved, "Thank you so much. You see I've never been very good with numbers."

Really? I hadn't noticed. I sigh.

This is _way_ too easy to be any good for my consciousness.

---

**A/n: If anyone can guess why I decided that the genie should come from a can of peas I'm going to be surprised. I didn't know myself until a couple of days afterwards. Weird how that works huh?**


	2. Tom Smith

Chapter 2: Tom Smith

---

Apparently, there are other people in the Brigade, except for the blatantly obvious Koizumi, that live to please Haruhi, but who could blame that sweet and innocent girl who makes such wonderful tea?

Yes, Asahina had somehow managed to get her cute little hands on a mystery, I'm not really sure if she actually _made_ it, but since Haruhi's happy about it, I guess it'll be fine. Pretty sure she would've pointed it out if it were me though. Damn favoritism. Not that I can blame her for it. After all, who could seriously consider punishing our sweet Asahina? I should probably stop thinking in that direction, otherwise I think something bad might happen.

Anyway, Haruhi quickly decided to go check out the mystery at the bath house, where it just happened to be located. I wonder if I'm somehow using up my life supply of luck right about now? Oh well, there's no reason to dwell on it I guess.

Thankfully, our merciful – that's a new one – Brigade leader allowed us to go pick up what we needed for this exploration of mysteries, namely bath appliances. After which we met up once again right outside. Do I have to mention that since I was the last one to arrive that I was forced to pay for everyone? No? That's such a shame, I really wanted to complain about the clear thinning of this wallet of mine.

By the way, it should be noted that Koizumi wasn't here. Apparently he had something that he needed to take care of, he called it 'family matters', not sure if he's lying or not, but Haruhi agreed to let him go since it 'couldn't be helped'. How come she never say stuff like that when I'm the one talking? Is this favoritism again? Damn that girl piss me off.

Since Koizumi wasn't here, which was a welcome change of pace since that guy really creeps me out, and nobody else seemed to be in the men's bath, I slipped in the water thinking that I'd finally be able to relax.

It was at that time that I finally realized that there was someone else in here with me. Someone that I knew. Someone who still owed me a few wishes. You guessed it, the genie had somehow managed to appear, sitting Indian style in the middle of the air.

"Greetings master Kyon."

Greetings my ass. Where the hell did you pop out from and what are you doing here?

"I must follow you wherever you go, so that I may grant whatever wish you might have at that time."

So you're going to stalk me until I finish with my wishes? That's a kind of psychological warfare you know.

A sudden thought occurs to me as voices can suddenly be heard from the other side of one of the walls. Female voices. Despite them being quite loud, it proved difficult to make out the words, however, every now and then, there would be something more distinct. Usually these were along the lines of: 'No! Not there!', 'You're so smooth!' and 'What do you eat to make them grow this big!?'.

I was having some trouble containing my feelings about what seemed to be happening in the ladies bath. Don't look at me like that, I'm an average teenage male after all, what did you expect?

"You know," the genie looked at me with something mischievous in his eyes, "you could wish that you were able to watch what happened in there…" he trailed off as he stared at the wall where the noises were coming from.

At this point, I was having a serious inner struggle with myself. However, I _am_ a healthy teenage boy, it didn't take long before I reached my decision.

Can I wish that I'm able to watch, and listen to them, whilst they are unable to see, hear or detect me in any other way? The thought of Nagato's data manipulation passed through my mind.

"Yes."

There isn't a moment to lose! We must hurry and catch this wonderful opportunity right away. I wish it to be so!

"Your wish is my command, master Kyon," the genie was matching the face that I was probably making right now.

I kind of get the feeling that this guy and Taniguchi would get along _very_ nicely with each other indeed.

The noises from the other side of the wall are suddenly as clear as if the wall had never been there in the first place, and the wall, had turned see-through. The sight of the female members of the SOS Brigade in the bath, was enough to make me praise whatever god had created this wonderful world, even if the god mentioned happened to be Haruhi.

After quite some time, and a little bit of drool on my part, the girls finally decided that it was time to leave the bath and went off to get dressed, leaving me alone once more.

You can turn it back to normal now…

The genie nodded absentmindedly, apparently still somewhat dazed after the experience, and turned the wall back into a clearly solid object. I sigh and do my best to collect myself.

I think I might have ascended halfway to heaven by now.

I waited in the bath for a few more minutes, until I was able to reclaim some manner of self control, before I finally got dressed. The dressing part proved to be somewhat difficult since most of my brain seemed to have short-circuited, but I somehow managed to pull it off.

The genie had sometime during the peeping explained to me that, since I had wished it, he would be invisible to all people except me. So it came as no surprise to me when he followed me out the door.

Apparently, Haruhi had decided not to punish Asahina, despite a clear lack of mysteries. This was most likely related to the fact that, Haruhi was too busy trying to beat Nagato at some kind of game, I'm sorry but I'm still a bit dazed after the bath. When Haruhi finally asked me why, I simply told her that I'd probably stayed in too long. She seemed to accept that, although she did call me an idiot for doing such a stupid thing.

Finally, we all split up, everyone returning home in their own respective directions. It had been a long day, sort of, and I collapsed on my bed the moment I got home, falling asleep instantly. I dreamt wonderful dreams, dreams that had been _heavily_ influenced by the memories of the day. It was pure heaven, although I probably wouldn't remember any of the many details of my dream, tomorrow when I woke up.

---

Do you remember that time when I told Haruhi that I was doing homework? No? Well it happened. However, it should be noted that I was lying at the time, meaning that I still had a _lot_ of homework to do. And it didn't look like Haruhi was going to cut me any slack with the Brigade, so I was in a bit of a fix.

How was I supposed to do all of this? There's a limit to what an average person can pull off you know. I mean, whilst Haruhi could probably do her homework in something like an hour or two, without breaking a sweat, I was _lucky_ if it took me _twice_ as long. Doesn't that just get on your nerves? How can her brain be so damn good?

It's not like I'm greedy or anything, I just wanted to have an easier time with all this homework that was being dumped on me. It didn't occur to me that I could wish for that until the genie – who'd been staring over my shoulder the entire time – started screaming out of frustration, it was math.

This would be my third wish, thankfully this genie really didn't know how to count, leaving me with four wishes left to spend.

I wish I had an easier time with my homework.

It was wonderful. I understood _everything_ about it. There was nobody here, trying to beat the knowledge into my head using violence, Haruhi truly was a force to be reckoned with, and yet I understood everything, without even trying. Is this how smart people feel? Damn, now I'm really jealous.

Unfortunately, the genie told me that it wouldn't last for very long, just enough for me to finish my homework. So, once I'd fixed all of that, I would be returned to being just an ordinary person.

Oh well, Haruhi would probably have noticed if I suddenly turned smart, and that would have been a pain in the ass to explain. It would be hard enough to try to explain to her how my homework suddenly turned out so well.

---

**A/n: The title to this chapter was put there just because it made me laugh.**


	3. A clown’s sorrow

Chapter 3: A clown's sorrow

---

God I hate this hill. I'm so tired that I'm actually considering just collapsing on the side of the road somewhere. Who was the idiot that decided to build the school on top of a giant hill? I would like to go back in time and meet him, so that I could do painful things to him, but I was too tired at the moment to find the idea very appealing.

Suddenly it occurred to my tired brain that there was a way for me to avoid walking up this hill. You see, I still had four wishes left and I probably wasn't going to need _all_ of them. I turned to the genie floating in the air beside me – damn that makes me jealous, does this guy even need to exercise at all?

If I were to wish for it, could you make it so that I don't have to climb this hill? Without anyone noticing of course.

"If that's your wish, then yes," he smiled happily, apparently he got bored when there was nothing for him to do.

Then I wish, in a manner that nobody will notice, that I wouldn't have to climb this hill to get to the school.

"Your wish is my command," once more there was the sparkly lights that usually showed up when he did stuff like this, but this time something very unsettling happened.

I turned see-through. Well, according to him I was now invisible, but that's details. What disturbed me was that I could see things _through_ my body, and let me tell you, that isn't the most secure of feelings. In fact, I was trying very hard not to scream in terror and run off somewhere, this is quite a feat since, just a moment ago, I'd been seriously lacking in the energy department.

Then something _just_ as unpleasant happened. The genie picked me up. And all of a sudden, I was flying through the air at an absolutely terrifying speed.

Finally, the flashback – or was it my life showing before my eyes – ended and I was able to see the school closing in at an alarming rate. I would've screamed, but I was still frozen in terror.

However, just as I was about to slam into a wall and turn into a puddle of Kyon-goo, the genie halted and gently lowered me to the ground, onto which I collapsed immediately, holding back the urge to kiss the ground beneath my feet. Even as a member of the SOS Brigade, there were still some things that people would talk about for a long time. Besides, it was the freaking _ground_, it would've tasted awful.

Once I'd recovered enough to be able to breathe properly, I turned to the genie.

That wish only applied for _today_, understood?

The genie looked a little confused, but nodded anyway, happy to please, I guess.

Good. Now. We should get to class, it'd be hard to explain why I was late if I'd been at school before we started.

Once I arrived I noticed that Haruhi wasn't there yet. It's amazing how she's the first thing I look for upon entering the classroom, not Kunikida not Taniguchi, Haruhi. The eccentric girl who makes my life a living hell. But no matter how much I complain, I have to admit that without her, my life would be _really_ boring.

Haruhi didn't show up until a few seconds before the bell rang and the teacher entered the room, signaling that lessons were about to start. Lessons that would make my already spinning head, hurt. A lot.

But when class finally ended, many hours later, I couldn't help but think that this time I had a good excuse for not being able to pay attention during it, since I'd had something of a near death experience with the whole flying to school thing. Then again, stuff like that never mattered to Haruhi or the teachers before, why start now?

Arriving at the clubroom proved to be deceptively non-apocalyptic, lulling me into a false sense of peacefulness. That is, until I realized that Nagato was nowhere to be seen. Now I was starting to get worried. She was almost always present in the clubroom, kind of the same as the furniture, not that I'd ever compare Nagato – who has saved my life more times than I care to count – with a piece of furniture, but the point still stands.

Of course I knew that there was no point in worrying about it, after all, there wasn't really anything I could do about it. So instead I took a seat opposite Koizumi, defeating him in another one of his board games whilst drinking Asahina's wondrous tea.

My fears were proven to have been correct as Haruhi burst through the door, Nagato standing calmly behind her.

This will not end well.

"Yuki has found a mystery!"

That was what I was trying to tell me, but did I listen? No, I wanted to ignore the signs so that I could be happy in my own ignorance… strangely enough I can't say that I blame myself for it… is that bad?

"There's something strange happening at the library! Let's go and hunt it down!"

Exactly what's happening in the library?

"There has been recent occurrences of books disappearing from the shelves," Nagato doesn't look as excited about the mystery as Haruhi, although I doubt that it would be possible – even for a normal person, let alone Nagato – to match the hyperactive eccentric of a girl, that we call our leader.

Doesn't that just mean that someone's been stealing books?

Nagato shook her head slightly, signaling that that wasn't the case.

"Kyon! Stop slowing us down and move!" our fearless Brigade leader ended her sentence by grabbing me by the tie as she began to drag me out of the clubroom.

---

Haruhi didn't drag me the entire way to the library, but I kind of got the feeling that she'd wanted to do so. I guess even Haruhi can't ignore the odd glances of the people surrounding us forever.

When we arrived however, she took off like she'd had a rocket attached to her back, she'd probably do that too, if given half the chance. This train of thought inspired me even further to keep Haruhi away from any manner of explosives.

Nagato followed her calmly, at a slower pace, Asahina did as well, but I wasn't doubting that she'd probably get lost amongst the shelves. Koizumi on the other hand, turned towards me with that ever present smile of his.

"You wouldn't happen to have any ideas for a mystery, would you?"

Well actually I now have a genie that fulfills wishes stalking me everywhere I go. Can I really say that? Well, I _could_, but it would probably mean a lot of trouble, so. Nope, sorry, I got nothing.

"What a shame, I just can't seem to think of anything that would please her. It's all quite frustrating actually."

I'm sure it is, deal with it. It's always a treat watching you squirm, except for the times when the world is ending since I can never really focus at times like those. It's hard to get used to the apocalypse, especially if it's almost always _your_ fault.

Ignoring Koizumi, who wandered off somewhere, I walk in another direction, namely towards the short novels. You see, if past experience had taught me anything, then I was going to be stuck here for a long time, might as well find something to pass the time with.

I finally found something that seemed interesting enough, so I began to search for somewhere to sit down and read quietly. I noticed Asahina among the rows of shelves but decided to leave her, considering that she was standing around what seemed to be adult books, I got the feeling that it'd just be too awkward.

Of course my pastime didn't last for long, only an hour or so, before Haruhi showed up and greeted my enthusiasm for mystery searching with a glare that could've easily killed me, if looks actually _could_ kill. Please don't think about that one too much, if Haruhi ever made that possible then people all over would start dropping down dead.

"Kyon…" I think I might've fidgeted a little at Haruhi's tone, "what do you think you're doing…?"

Reading? Lying would've been useless at this point, I figured I'd try getting away with the truth. Considering the face Haruhi made, I can't say that I thought for a moment that I'd been successful, in fact, I was thinking about what would be written on my tombstone the moment the word had left my lips.

'Here lies Kyon,' I don't think anyone remembers my name anymore, not even my own parents, 'Low ranking member of the SOS Brigade. Death by stupidity.'

"Really? I hadn't noticed," the sarcasm in her voice was enough to convince me that, despite practicing the use of sarcasm on a regular day to day basis, there was no way I could ever compete with Haruhi, "Get your ass out of that chair and find me some goddamn mysteries!" this sudden outburst was followed by her literally yanking me out of the chair, the momentum propelling me a few steps forward as a result.

If not for my sudden urge to escape to a place _very_ far away from Haruhi, I probably would've mused on the whole 'goddamn' part. If she saying that isn't irony, then I don't know the meaning of the word. But, as I said before, I was too preoccupied with making a hasty tactical retreat in order to avoid the rage of our Brigade leader to think much of anything.

During my escape I came to realize that it had already turned dark outside, apparently the library had already closed. I say closed but it was more of a semi-closed kind of way. There wasn't any alarms since there was still personnel about doing various tasks. I'm guessing that either Koizumi or Haruhi convinced them that we were here to investigate the disappearing-books-case.

Finally deciding that it was safe to slow down, I once again began looking for ways to pass the time until Haruhi would be satisfied with the results. Instead, I ended up running into Nagato, who wasn't reading a book. Whilst this wouldn't normally have been unusual enough to mention in such a manner, the fact was that she was standing still with a book in her hand, ready to be read at a moments notice if she wanted to, but she _wasn't_ reading.

She seemed to be looking at something, so I walked up next to her, curious of whatever it was that she was looking at.

Have you ever heard the expression 'Curiosity killed the cat'? I think I should've learned exactly what that means by now, but as I stare at the human sized, humanoid, mountain of books slowly turning to face us, I've got to admit that I still have a lot to learn about caution. I suppress my urge to scream like a little girl, instead turning towards Nagato.

Is that thing what's been making all of those books disappear?

A single nod is my answer.

Well I guess that sort of makes sense… is it dangerous?

"It is."

I see… is there anything you can do about it?

"I am unable to cause it any harm, without also damaging the books that it consists of."

Is that a problem? Oh wait, whoever convinced the staff to let us stay, probably did so by telling them that we'd their books back safely. Bummer, I guess that means that fighting this thing is out of the question. What to do, what to do…

"You could just make a wish you know," the genie's voice gives me a little start, he'd developed something of a liking to Asahina and had followed her when we all split up a few hours ago, so I hadn't really been expecting him to suddenly show up out of nowhere. I recovered pretty quickly though, I guess I'm growing used to all the weirdness happening in my life.

Do you have any suggestions for a wish that could deal with this situation?

"You could simply wish for me to defeat it without using violence."

You can do that? He nodded proudly, kind of like a small child who wanted to show everyone a new trick they'd learn. Very well then, I wish that you defeat that thing without using any violence.

"So be it!" his loud exclamation was accompanied by colorful sparks shooting of in every direction, covering his body completely. When the light subsided the first thing that sprung to my mind was:

What the hell are you doing?

"I'm going to read it a bedtime story," the genie – now wearing those classical reading glasses that old people wear – looked absolutely serious about this, and then he began telling a tale about a clown with shoes _so_ large that he was unable to walk.

It was a sad story, a children story without a doubt, but still a sad story. This was empathized by the genie crying throughout most of it. Nagato blinked, whilst I was having a hard time not to begin tearing my hair at the stupidity of it all, but as the genie finally finished reading, the monster was sleeping on the floor, snoring quietly.

The genie then quietly tiptoed up to it, and pulled out one of the many books that it was made out of. Suddenly the books were no longer a monster but simply a pile of books lying on the floor. It was a somewhat surprising turn of events, but I wasn't going to complain about it.

Haruhi however, did complain about Nagato and myself finding the lost books in a pile on the floor. Apparently there wasn't enough of a mystery for it to be worthy of our attention. She did however decide to take credit for the Brigade's fulfilling of our tasks., she was also able to belittle my part in the solving, instead giving Nagato all of the credit.

How can I stand such maltreatment without arguing? Meh… I guess you get used to it. Besides, Nagato deserves whatever praise comes her way, after all, she's the reason why a certain blue haired girl haven't actually killed me yet, and that certainly wasn't because of lack of effort.

---

**A/n: I grew up with Kenny Starfighter, and I adore it… I wonder if that's noticeable?**


	4. Hehe… oops?

Chapter 4: Hehe… oops?

---

The next day there were some strange rumors going around about exactly what had happened at the library, many of which said that the whole thing had all been planned out by Haruhi, and so at lunch I was quickly questioned by Taniguchi, I'm still not quite sure why he insists on asking all these questions all the time, does he really not have _anything_ better to do?

"So what's Suzumiya up to this time?"

How the hell should I know, it's not like I can actually understand her or anything.

"Come on, everyone knows that she drags you around all the time, why don't you just admit that the two of you are an item?"

That is wrong on _so_ many levels, first of which would be that – although it _is_ technically possible to predict her every now and then, and so there must be _some_ sort of reason in her – Haruhi is absolutely and utterly _insane_.

"Stop trying to fool us by lying and hurry up and give us all of the juicy bits!"

Taniguchi… you're an idiot. Just because she happens to drag me around doesn't mean that we're dating. Hell, I wish you could experience being dragged around school by an overly energetic girl, let's see how you'd like it.

Taniguchi grumbles a bit at the remark, although I don't think I've managed to convince him, at least he's being reasonably quiet for now, but he's interrupted in his mumblings as the classroom door suddenly bursts open.

Normally such an event would be followed by Haruhi making a grand appearance, but this time she was still nowhere to be seen. Instead, as I turned around to face the door, I'm greeted by Tsuruya's ear-to-ear grin. She spots us and walks over, still grinning widely.

"Taniguchi!" I blink, Kunikida just looks on with a shocked expression, apparently he's just as shocked as I am. But the one who beats the both of us with an expression of complete and utter confusion, shock and other similar emotions, is Taniguchi himself. Clearly, he wasn't expecting this.

"Tsu-… Tsuruya…?" he was interrupted before he could finish whatever sentence he was trying to string together, by Tsuruya grabbing him by the tie and beginning to drag him away.

It feels a little weird to observe something like this happening to someone _else_, I mean, does it really look that funny whenever Haruhi drags _me_ around? Or is it just the fact that I'm happy that my wish just now was granted…

Wait… what…?

I turn towards the genie, he's almost always there, but since nobody other than me can see him, I'd say that you kind of get used to it after a while.

Did I just make that happen?

"Yup!" he nods enthusiastically for extra emphasis, clearly enjoying his job, perhaps a little too much.

And here comes the feelings of guilt. Bummer, I really wanted to enjoy this to the fullest.

I sigh, but my depressed feeling is suddenly interrupted when I hear something outside in the corridor, and as I turn to watch, I realize that I'm pretty lucky to be dragged around by Haruhi. At least I know that she won't use me as some sort of mace in order to ward off other pedestrians.

You know, I think I can learn to live with this level of guilt. In fact, if this moment is anything to judge by, I think I'll be able to enjoy it quite a bit.

---

The Taniguchi incident, however pleasant, reminded me that it might not be a good idea to have a genie hanging around you all the time.

So, after a Brigade meeting in which Haruhi declared several penalties on me for being unable to create a mystery, I did try to tell her about the incident of the human mace, but it was rejected since Tsuruya's an honoree Brigade member and we couldn't very well start investigating the Brigade itself. Oh the irony of that statement.

Of course, Koizumi, who had also been unable to create any sort of mystery, was declared free of charge due to a promise of more murder mysteries in the future. Damn favoritism. On that note, do I _really_ need to mention that Haruhi never created a mystery of her own? Although I must admit that I'm actually glad for that respite, however small it may be.

Anyway, I decided to find some way to get rid off the genie without anyone ever catching wind of him again. You see, the whole 'hiding from Haruhi' wish was only effective for as long as I was his master. I wasn't allowed to tell him to stop being a genie, since that was the only way he could make an honest living. Don't ask, I'm just repeating what he told me.

It took me several hours of neglecting seemingly endless classes, but I was finally able to think of a way for both of us to be happy.

I wish that you'll never meet Haruhi, or anyone related to her, again, no matter what your other masters might wish. That was my third wish genie, good luck.

"Goodbye and take care, Kyon," the genie made a deep bow and then disappeared in a cloud of sparks, still smiling happily.

Well, that was unusual. Usually stuff like this turn out badly for me, but this time I've yet to suffer a single repercussion, except for that one time when I'd ended up flying, Haruhi however, hadn't been involved in it so it doesn't actually count.

"Kyon! Stop lollygagging and get your butt over here!"

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted I guess.

---

**A/n: Lollygagging is an awesome word. Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this.**


End file.
